Steve-O finally hears “The Ballad of Stephen Glover” by the Bone Fags for the first time at Morty’s Comedy Joint in Indianapolis. And Dale J. Gordon tells Story #1 from the Monster Bum Series.
NOTE: Steve-O is not actually a guest on this episode. We’re just telling the story about Steve-O finally hearing a song we wrote for him, like 10 years after we originally recorded it.
Check out this video of Chris Brake and Steve-O listening to “The Ballad of Stephen Glover” below!
Check out the lyrics to “The Ballad of Stephen Glover” below! It’s a 13-minute masterpiece written nearly 10 years ago about the life and times of Steve-O. We wrote the song to cheer Steve-O up when he was in the looney bin. You can listen to “The Ballad of Stephen Glover” on Spotify for free here.
The Ballad of Stephen Glover
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha….
Ugghhh…
Ladies and gentlemen!
Boys and girls of all ages!
Let’s give a big round of applause,
On the flaming trapeze,
To Mister Stephen Glover!
A-Ha ha ha ha ha!
Here we go!
This boy had a vision,
Was gonna see it ‘til the end.
Was gonna go to Harvard,
But became a clown instead.
He put his thumb out with grace,
To find a ride to a school.
That would let him paint his face,
And teach him to be a fool.
All right, come on now!
Oh yeah!
Hand me that bottle!
This boy hit the bottle,
‘Cause clowns, they ain’t no saints.
He started using a camera,
And he threw away his paints.
Bottle rockets in his asshole,
And fire in his hair.
He’ll do whatever is funny,
‘Cause Steve-O, he don’t get scared.
Well, except for one time…
Oh no…
Oh man…
You knew this was coming.
All right, I want every single one of you guys,
If you’re hearing this,
If you’re in the audience or in your car,
I want you to sing along to this part.
‘Cause this here is the representation of a moment…
P-C-P SAVED MY LIFE!!! X4
Now with all the good times,
Come the bad.
But what we have to pay attention to,
And focus on,
Is that the good times outweigh the bad.
And that’s what’s most important.
And that’s why we do what we do!
He’ll be your human dartboard,
Or your human urinal.
He’s the human of all humans,
And that ain’t normal.
Throw your panties on the stage,
And he’ll staple ‘em to his chest.
Be careful to fall in love,
Or he’ll set fire to your breasts.
He went to the jungle,
Conquered all he could find.
And if our hero died,
We would’ve seen it on prime time.
I don’t know much about life,
But one thing that I know.
The world would be a better place,
If we lived like Steve-O!
I don’t know much about life,
But one thing that I know.
The world would be a better place,
If we lived like Steve-O!
And this,
Is why we love you!
Forever!
He let Val Kilmer,
Blow fire off his chin.
He even had the balls,
To jump off the London bridge!
Got locked up in Sweden,
For chronic in his caboose.
Gave ‘em all he had,
Just to keep them badass shoes!
If you’ve got a knife cut,
You don’t need no stitches.
Grab a bottle of glue,
And let ol’ Uncle Steve-O fix it!
Let’s not forget,
Why this guy stopped skating.
It’s ‘cause of a bad ass motherfucker,
Named RYAN SIMONETTI!
That guy is CRAZY!!!
Stapling of his balls to the inside of his legs.
Now the butterfly is illegal in forty-nine states!
Taking shots of vodka straight into his vein.
What this guy pulls would drive another man insane!
David Blaine shared his magic with the quarter trick.
Steve-O showed us on the Internet!
Got a little club for the disease infected.
Where everybody has sex unprotected!
Now you say that you only get a tattoo,
If you’re pretty sure that everybody’s gonna laugh at it.
Well I guarantee you that if you get a Bone Fags tattoo,
Everybody is gonna laugh at you!
All right Steve-O!
This one is for you!
For all the times you’ve made us laugh,
Now we’re trying to return the favor.
I don’t know much about life,
But one thing that I know.
The world would be a better place,
If we lived like Steve-O.
I don’t know much about life,
But one thing that I know.
The world would be a better place,
If we lived like Steve-O.
Now Hunter couldn’t do it,
But you did it.
All he had was a quote,
Now you’ve got a video.
Chris Brake Show Podcast 